DAY 100: Everything all fixed.
DAY 99: President Obama is relieved to find out that no one really pays attention to a president's second 100 days in office.
DAY 98: An ear of corn wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, "Vilsack!!"
DAY 97: Obama falls victim to the so-called "black presidents' curse," which holds that every African-American president will stub his toe trying to walk to the bathroom in the early morning hours of his 97th day in office.
DAY 96: President Obama gets halfway through a 4-page letter on his desk before realizing it was for Barack Obama of Spokane, WA.
DAY 95: President Obama furiously asks Cabinet who unlocked Sakura on his Street Fighter IV save file.
DAY 94: Homeless man and Obama doppelgänger Tom Banks meets the president outside a D.C. restaurant and convinces him to secretly trade places for a week, a decision Obama will come to rue.
DAY 93: Taking his cue from President Obama's $800 billion stimulus bill, HUD Secretary Shaun Donovan goes on a spending spree not seen since the days of Caligula.
DAY 92: Secretary of Energy Steven Chu converts self into a sentient ball of energy.
DAY 91: Rahm Emanuel takes a deep breath, counts to 10, and reminds himself that it's not the envelope's fault.
DAY 90: Although he disagrees with many of his predecessor's policies, President Obama has to admit Bush left behind a pretty sweet home entertainment system.
DAY 89: To make up for missing the Opening Day first pitch, President Obama closes out the ninth for the Nationals.
DAY 88: White House senior adviser David Axelrod has to rush home to Chicago when he suddenly realizes he left his car in a two-hour parking zone in January.
DAY 87: Without alerting the president or anyone on his staff, White House counsel Greg Craig secretly decides to zone out for an entire day's worth of meetings.
DAY 86: Michelle Obama is busy hosting a conference on education reform, so the president has to attend a state dinner alone and carry around a de la Renta gown for the press to critique.
DAY 85: President Obama was totally about to stop illegal federal wiretapping, but got distracted by this phone call and then dinner and suddenly, it was bedtime.
DAY 84: Joe Biden meets with Treasury Secretary Geithner to discuss economic policy and whether you need to pay taxes on an old suitcase full of money you happened to find in a park 15 years ago.
DAY 83: The White House Easter Egg Roll sounded really good in Obama's speeches, but the event was undermined by policy complications, partisan rancor, and the economic crisis.
DAY 82: Although the leather-bound Mark Twain collection is very nice and all, Russian President Medvedev thought he made it clear that he wanted a Predator poster signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
DAY 81: Al Franken sets up another game of Boggle.
DAY 80: Robert Gibbs lets a rookie reporter repeat his question a third time before savoring ripping him apart.
DAY 79: Secretary Of Transportation Ray LaHood simply wants to know which Metrorail line Secretary Of Commerce Gary Locke is blaming for his late arrival to the Cabinet meeting.
DAY 78: Hastily organizing the staff Passover seder, Rahm Emanuel informs Peter Orszag that he will sing the damned four questions whether he likes it or not.
DAY 77: During an Agriculture Department staff meeting, the tension between Secretary Tom Vilsack and a nearby ear of corn becomes unbearable.
DAY 76: Snipers on the White House roof watch the NCAA Championship through a window on M Street.
DAY 75: The massive G20 protests that cost a man his life and British taxpayers $10 million in security are revealed to be a guerrilla marketing campaign for Cadbury Eggs.
DAY 74: Budget director Peter Orszag continues to refer to all of his policies as "Orszagian."
DAY 73: Press Secretary Gibbs stumps the entire press corps when he responds to the question “How do we know the president didn’t call for the AIG bonuses himself?” with a question of his own: “How do we know that the entire universe isn't just some sleeping dog's dream?”
DAY 72: Joe Biden accidentally drops his briefcase, which pops open to reveal a comb, a tube of Binaca, and a dog-eared copy of Oui.
DAY 71: The president exculpates Harrisburg, PA native Raymond La Forge during the traditional "pardoning of the fool" for April Fools’ Day.
DAY 69: In a drawn-out mating ritual, Eric Shinseki frantically chases a female Shinseki around the White House until, sufficiently impressed, the female acquiesces.
DAY 68: WhiteHouse.gov administrators clear out nine people still hanging around in the online town hall.
DAY 67: Obama helps out coworker by taking a shift at the White House gift shop.
DAY 66: White House Chef Cristeta Comerford gives a blank, puzzled stare when Biden asks for 'Eggs Biden.'
DAY 65: Following a state dinner, Obama lets the U.S. Marine Band know their soul version of "Hail to the Chief" will not be necessary.
DAY 64: Democratic fundraiser Wade Randlett thought he would be important enough to garner a meeting with the President during his trip to the White House, but is instead only given an uncomfortable ten minute face to face with Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis's wayward brother Hector.
DAY 63: Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsak wakes suddenly at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat screaming, "Corn!"
DAY 62: A sweaty, out-of-breath Joe Biden bursts into a Cabinet meeting to inform everyone that if a big guy named Ivan comes around looking for him, he "ain't here."
DAY 61: Chris Dillard of Bethesda, MD, receives the first new job under Obama's stimulus plan, being tasked with flipping the numbers on the White House scoreboard every time a new job is created.
DAY 60: Obama spends most of the day on the roof of the White House cleaning the gutters in order to teach his daughters a lesson about something or another.
DAY 59: A temporary lull in the White House's efforts to push legislation through Congress leaves the GOP dangerously close to being forced to decide what its beliefs and solutions for the country are.
DAY 58: Rahm Emmanuel sends out a memo forbidding any more graphical depictions of what a billion dollars in stacked $1 bills looks like.
DAY 57: Secret service agent Ted Scharpling stumps fellow agent Neal Vianna when he asks Vianna what he would do if Michelle Obama came at the president with a modified Glock 19 automatic.
DAY 56: To mark St. Patrick's Day, most of the White House staff wears green, except for Joe Biden, who never makes it into work.
DAY 55: Several weeks after reportedly being bit by a sheep dog, Eric Holder transforms into the shaggy attorney general at a critical moment during a press conference.
DAY 54: Obama's personal aide Reggie Love informs The New York Times that he's changed a lot since his May 27, 2008, profile and suggests they do a follow-up.
DAY 53: White House luncheon guests share a moment of awkwardness when someone says, "Madame, first lady," and both Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama turn around.
DAY 52: After refusing to take some of his state's stimulus money due to disagreements with the bill, Mississippi governor Haley Barbour wakes up to another burning tire on his lawn.
DAY 51: Reaching a milestone common for new presidents, Obama spends the afternoon seeing who is the most important person he can get on the phone in under five minutes.
DAY 50: While wandering the East Wing, Obama finds a really cool cobwebby room everyone had forgotten about for 125 years.
DAY 49: After hanging around for weeks and just watching from outside the White House fence, Sen. Harry Reid is finally invited to play in Barack Obama's pickup basketball game.
DAY 48: A trench-coat-wearing Wolf Blitzer is briefly detained by Secret Service agents after he is caught shoplifting three Mad magazines and a bottle of Dr Pepper from the White House gift shop.
DAY 47: Not wanting to sound too show-offy, White House Cabinet secretary Chris Lu tells a stranger at a Washington party that he "works in government."
DAY 46: A woman named Candi interrupts a Cabinet meeting to borrow $20 from Joe Biden for cigarettes.
DAY 45: A Treasury Department intern gets the lucky task of determining who lives and who dies today.
DAY 44: For the third time this week, press secretary Robert Gibbs peeks his head through the Oval Office door to let President Obama know that he's going on a Baskin-Robbins run.
DAY 43: Although everyone hopes the Minnesota senatorial race is decided quickly, Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) is getting pretty accustomed to putting her feet up on Norm Coleman’s old seat.
DAY 42: White House landlord Albert Grabowski isn't going to fix the damn radiator, and as far as those pipes go, that's not his problem either.
DAY 41: Sixteen hours and 25 cups of coffee into a Treasury Dept. strategy session, Tim Geithner proposes nationalizing CitiGroup, Bank of America, all nine seasons of Seinfeld, toast, Albania, and the third law of thermodynamics.
DAY 40: President Obama forwards the link to the new Star Trek movie trailer to the entire staff. Again.
DAY 39: The Obamas sit silently around their Camp David dining table because Malia forgot to pack Scattergories.
DAY 38: Uruguayan Ambassador left in blue room all day.
DAY 37: The West Wing staff enjoys two dozen boxes of Nilla Wafers courtesy of Nabisco after Obama mentions them in a speech.
DAY 36: Realizing there are 489 people working in the West Wing, Rahm Emanuel tells his secretary to stop buying cupcakes for everybody's birthday.
DAY 35: Negotiations between the House and Senate versions of the DC Voting Rights bill nearly break down when Senator Arlen Specter insists on keeping his doodle of a three-legged pony in the bill.
DAY 34: During a difficult moment of a televised address, President Obama debuts the evil-looking sock puppet that will speak on all unpopular matters from now on.
DAY 33: President Obama still hasn't updated his Twitter account, leaving millions of tweeple tweet-deprived for over a month.
DAY 32: Vice-President Joe Biden curses HotGunner79 for outbidding him at last minute on 1970's Navy bomber jacket.
DAY 31: White House Intern David Kimball decides delivering memos to Robert Gibbs counts as "managing critical White House messaging initiatives key to furthering the president's agenda."
DAY 30: At 3 a.m., President Obama sends Judd Gregg a group photo of his Cabinet, just so he knows what he's missing.
DAY 29: A nervous Canada accidentally offers to be annexed during Obama's first foreign visit.
DAY 28: Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's wife has taken to calling him the Trillion Dollar Man during sex.
DAY 27: Interior Secretary Ken Salazar is still feeling out the White House policy on nudity.
DAY 26: After receiving the fifth gift of its kind in as many weeks, Obama half-heartedly nails another African mask to the Oval Office wall.
DAY 25: Obama enjoys a quiet, candlelight dinner with Michelle and South Korean Prime Minister Han Seung-soo.
DAY 24: President Obama asks the visiting Estonian president if he wouldn't mind pretending to be Vladimir Putin for a second so he can practice for the Russian prime minister's big visit tomorrow.
DAY 23: Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano awkwardly enters the Oval Office while President Obama is doing his Napolitano impersonation.
DAY 22: President Obama asks aides to alert him immediately if the Mutant Registration Act is introduced in Congress.
DAY 21: For the third time, the Joint Chiefs of Staff ask President Obama not to leave fantasy miniatures on war map.
DAY 20: Joe Biden clears his schedule to oversee the installation of four video poker machines in the Naval Observatory.
DAY 19: After a tense afternoon holed up in the Situation Room, President Obama finally locates that old pack of Lyndon Johnson's Benson & Hedges.
DAY 18: In one of many historic firsts, Barack Obama becomes the first black president to TiVo MythBusters.
DAY 17: Hillary Clinton meets with Haitian president René Préval, who demands U.S. provide Haiti a sandwich by 2010.
DAY 16: Obama's "First 100 Days Dilbert Desk Calendar" still on day five.
DAY 15: Eighty-eight-year-old Justice John Paul Stevens informs the Obama administration of his decision to die in office, effective Mar. 1.
DAY 14: Taco Tuesday
DAY 13: President Obama meets with Vermont governor Jim Douglas and is saddened to find that he is not the creator of Garfield.
DAY 12: A nice little lazy Sunday for the president. Maybe read a book, watch a movie, whatever.
DAY 11: Director of the White House Office of Management and Budget reads former director of the White House Office of Management and Budget's memoirs.
DAY 10: Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Donovan wonders if they mean "urban" like "city" or "urban" like "black."
DAY 9: Impressionist Rich Little sits in a bathrobe on the floor of his one-bedroom apartment trying to figure out how to say "I am not a crook" like Barack Obama.
DAY 8: Rahm Emanuel's "open door" policy is severely tested by political director Patrick Gaspard's repeated claims that someone is taking Splenda packets from the jar on his desk.
DAY 7: After figuring out a comprehensive solution for the economic crisis in a dream, President Obama issues an executive order requisitioning a fleet of freight liners and 147,000 tons of eggplant.
DAY 6: Joe Biden spends the day sitting on a couch in the Oval Office, saying he "just wants to watch."
DAY 5: Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack spends another day worried that his unanimous confirmation means people have forgotten what a hell-raiser he was as mayor of Mount Pleasant, IA.
DAY 4: Former treasury secretary Henry Paulson is discovered sleeping next to the boiler in the White House basement.
DAY 3: Obama takes a few minutes to fill out the change of address card for his Popular Mechanics subscription.
DAY 2: Suddenly everyone in the Roosevelt Room looks around and realizes: yes, this will be the seating arrangement for the next four years.
DAY 1: In one of his first acts as president, Obama begins the process of closing down the CIA prisons that he knows about.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
CHICAGO—As the 2008 presidential election draws closer, Democrat Barack Obama has reportedly been working tirelessly with his top political strategists to perfect his looking-off-into-the-future pose, which many believe is vital to the success of the Illinois senator's campaign.
When performed correctly, the pose involves Obama standing upright with his back arched and his chest thrust out, his shoulders positioned 1.3 feet apart and opened slightly at a 14-degree angle, and his eyes transfixed on a predetermined point between 500 and 600 yards away. Advisers say this creates the illusion that Obama is looking forward to a bright future, while the downturned corners of his lips indicate that he acknowledges the problems of the present.
When performed correctly, the pose involves Obama standing upright with his back arched and his chest thrust out, his shoulders positioned 1.3 feet apart and opened slightly at a 14-degree angle, and his eyes transfixed on a predetermined point between 500 and 600 yards away. Advisers say this creates the illusion that Obama is looking forward to a bright future, while the downturned corners of his lips indicate that he acknowledges the problems of the present.
Obama's advisers have created a computer model to simulate the optimal looking-off-into-the-future pose.
"The senator spends six hours a day gazing resolutely off into the distance," said chief political strategist David Axelrod, who regularly analyzes video of the pose with Obama, pinpoints areas that need improvement, and makes necessary tweaks.
"It is critical to get every detail right," Axelrod continued. "If he looks up an inch too high, he appears aloof or confused. If he looks down too low, it appears that he is distracted by something in the back of the auditorium. If the curvature of his upper lip is not at the exact 0.87-centimeter radius, it reads that he does not care about preserving the environment for future generations."
The pose also requires Obama to arch his eyebrows at 32-degree angles, open his mouth to prevent the misconception that he is frowning about the future, and briefly flare his nostrils to convey faith in the nation's children.
He must then clench his jaw with sufficient force to express strength and decisiveness—if he uses too much force, Axelrod said, his supraorbital forehead vein becomes visible and makes it appear as though he is in physical pain.
"Every millimeter of that head vein costs him 150,000 votes," Axelrod said.
To complete the pose, Obama must then open his eyes at an aperture of 1.43 centimeters, tilt his chin slightly upward, and rotate his head 37 degrees to the left. His advisers stressed that he must always look to the left.
"When you look to the future, you look to the left," Axelrod said. "Looking to the right is an I-am-sorry-for-the-mistakes-I've-made-in-the-past-but-promise-to-work-my-hardest-for- this-great-nation-from-now-on pose. It's too early for that."
The biggest obstacle Obama has had to overcome in recent weeks is his proclivity to squint while looking toward the future, which aides say alienates voters.
"We've worked on the squinting," said Obama adviser Sam Hosking, who claimed it was a "death knell" for a candidate to appear to be struggling to see the nation's future. "It took a lot of work, but we were able to turn the squint into a solemn blink."
"The blink humanizes him," Hosking added. "But you have to be careful. Two blinks and people will start to question if he's a man of his word."
Obama has also worked on increasing the speed with which he can strike the pose. Advisers say that it is critical for him to be able to quickly and seamlessly transition into the looking-off-into-the-future pose at any moment, especially during applause breaks in his speeches, while being photographed from low angles, and whenever there is a large American flag waving gently behind him.
Obama's advisers have recently given him clearance to nod resolutely upon completing the looking-off-into-the-future pose.
"A nod is acceptable," Hosking said. "The American people respond well to nods."
Although Obama's pose has been modified and fine-tuned over the course of the campaign, some pundits claim that Obama's original looking-off-into-the-future pose was the strongest and most believable.
"I fell in love with the chin-three-inches-from-the-neck Barack Obama," said longtime Obama supporter and MoveOn.org employee Peter Koechley. "I just don't know if a chin-four-inches-from-the-neck or, even worse, a chin-two-inches-from-the-neck Obama is the same Obama that first inspired me."
As soon as Obama masters his looking-off-into-the-future pose, aides say he will begin honing his looking-straight-down-and-gripping-the-lectern-while-taking-a-deep-breath-to- communicate-both-his-rise-from-humble-roots-and-his-dedication-to-upholding- the-honor-and-responsibility-of-the-presidency-while-still-fully-understanding- the-historical-significance-of-the-moment pose.
"The senator spends six hours a day gazing resolutely off into the distance," said chief political strategist David Axelrod, who regularly analyzes video of the pose with Obama, pinpoints areas that need improvement, and makes necessary tweaks.
"It is critical to get every detail right," Axelrod continued. "If he looks up an inch too high, he appears aloof or confused. If he looks down too low, it appears that he is distracted by something in the back of the auditorium. If the curvature of his upper lip is not at the exact 0.87-centimeter radius, it reads that he does not care about preserving the environment for future generations."
The pose also requires Obama to arch his eyebrows at 32-degree angles, open his mouth to prevent the misconception that he is frowning about the future, and briefly flare his nostrils to convey faith in the nation's children.
He must then clench his jaw with sufficient force to express strength and decisiveness—if he uses too much force, Axelrod said, his supraorbital forehead vein becomes visible and makes it appear as though he is in physical pain.
"Every millimeter of that head vein costs him 150,000 votes," Axelrod said.
To complete the pose, Obama must then open his eyes at an aperture of 1.43 centimeters, tilt his chin slightly upward, and rotate his head 37 degrees to the left. His advisers stressed that he must always look to the left.
"When you look to the future, you look to the left," Axelrod said. "Looking to the right is an I-am-sorry-for-the-mistakes-I've-made-in-the-past-but-promise-to-work-my-hardest-for- this-great-nation-from-now-on pose. It's too early for that."
The biggest obstacle Obama has had to overcome in recent weeks is his proclivity to squint while looking toward the future, which aides say alienates voters.
"We've worked on the squinting," said Obama adviser Sam Hosking, who claimed it was a "death knell" for a candidate to appear to be struggling to see the nation's future. "It took a lot of work, but we were able to turn the squint into a solemn blink."
"The blink humanizes him," Hosking added. "But you have to be careful. Two blinks and people will start to question if he's a man of his word."
Obama has also worked on increasing the speed with which he can strike the pose. Advisers say that it is critical for him to be able to quickly and seamlessly transition into the looking-off-into-the-future pose at any moment, especially during applause breaks in his speeches, while being photographed from low angles, and whenever there is a large American flag waving gently behind him.
Obama's advisers have recently given him clearance to nod resolutely upon completing the looking-off-into-the-future pose.
"A nod is acceptable," Hosking said. "The American people respond well to nods."
Although Obama's pose has been modified and fine-tuned over the course of the campaign, some pundits claim that Obama's original looking-off-into-the-future pose was the strongest and most believable.
"I fell in love with the chin-three-inches-from-the-neck Barack Obama," said longtime Obama supporter and MoveOn.org employee Peter Koechley. "I just don't know if a chin-four-inches-from-the-neck or, even worse, a chin-two-inches-from-the-neck Obama is the same Obama that first inspired me."
As soon as Obama masters his looking-off-into-the-future pose, aides say he will begin honing his looking-straight-down-and-gripping-the-lectern-while-taking-a-deep-breath-to- communicate-both-his-rise-from-humble-roots-and-his-dedication-to-upholding- the-honor-and-responsibility-of-the-presidency-while-still-fully-understanding- the-historical-significance-of-the-moment pose.
This is what our president worries about? wow..
WASHINGTON—According to sources in the White House, President Barack Obama has been uncharacteristically distant and withdrawn ever since last month's two-hour series finale of Battlestar Galactica.
"The president seems to be someplace else lately," said one high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Yesterday we were all being briefed on the encroachment of Iranian drone planes into Iraq, when he just looked up from the table and blurted out, 'What am I supposed to watch on Fridays at 10 p.m. now? Numb3rs?'"
"I haven't seen him this upset since Admiral Adama realized that Earth was actually an uninhabitable wasteland," the official continued. "Or at least that's what he told me. I don't actually watch the show. It's not really my thing."
Since the end of the series, Obama has reportedly brushed off key budgetary decisions, ignored his wife and children, and neglected his daily workouts, claiming that he no longer cares if he lets himself go "just like Lee did before the rescue on New Caprica."
In addition, sources confirmed that instead of meeting with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Monday, the depressed president sat alone in the Oval Office, scouring Internet message boards for posts by other fans about the series conclusion.
Hoping to cheer himself up, Obama also decided to re-watch the extended director's cut of "Unfinished Business," a season three episode he once described as "bringing the Starbuck-Apollo relationship to a head in the best possible way."
Revisiting the series, however, has only made the president more miserable. After a staffer suggested he bring DVDs of the show along on a recent policy trip to Denver, Obama reportedly muttered under his breath, "What's the point? It's over."
"We were going over his schedule when he sighed and asked if I watched Battlestar," said a White House secretary, whom Obama used to playfully call "Billy." "I told him I was planning on it because my sister's a big fan, but he just stared out the window the whole time."
"I also noticed he took down his Battlestar Galactica season 4.5 poster," she added.
Obama watched the finale just as he had every previous episode, alone in the White House screening room with the volume turned all the way up. Sources said he emerged exhilarated and told several aides that the show's writers "wrapped things up the best they could, though the very end was a little much."
The commander in chief also bragged that he "totally called" the fact that "All Along The Watch Tower" would be used as the jump coordinates for the FTL drive.
Despite his initial excitement, by Monday morning the absence of the hour-long Sci-Fi program had begun to affect the president.
"I'm a little concerned," first lady Michelle Obama was overheard saying at a fundraising event Tuesday. "When Firefly was canceled, he walked around like a zombie for a week, and Serenity was the only thing that snapped him out of it. Last night he said he felt like he had just discovered David Axelrod was one of the Final Five, whatever that means."
A devoted fan of the original 1978 Battlestar Galactica, Obama was initially hesitant to watch the new series, saying he was upset to learn that hotshot pilot Starbuck would be played by a woman. However, during a particularly slow week in the U.S. Senate, Obama decided to rent the first season from Netflix.
Aides said Obama "blew through" season one in a weekend, then purchased season 2.0 from a local Best Buy, and, in order to catch up in time for season three, downloaded the majority of season 2.5 from iTunes.
"When we spoke last month, he said season three was his least favorite because some of the episodes with Helo and the Sagittarons—and pretty much anything that involved Cally—were boring and didn't advance the plot," Afghan president Hamid Karzai said. "But I told him that when you watch it all on DVD, and you don't have to wait a whole week for a new show, those peripheral episodes actually add new color to the already established world."
Added Karzai, "Lately, though, it seems like he'd rather talk about the resurgence of Taliban warlords in Kandahar than the show."
During an emergency press conference on Wednesday, Obama addressed his recent detachment, as well as various other matters facing the United States.
"Our nation finds itself in uncharted territory in the deep emptiness of space," Obama announced. "The Old Girl has limited supplies, no allies, and now, no hope. I never said this would be an easy journey. Yet I promise you this: There is a place where there is no war and no economic turmoil. It is where, according to the Sacred Scrolls handed down to us by the Lords of Kobol, the thirteenth tribe traveled over three thousand years ago. That place is called Earth. Not the other Earth. This Earth. It's complicated. Anyway, I plan to take us there."
Added Obama, "So say we all! So say we all! So say we all!"
"The president seems to be someplace else lately," said one high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Yesterday we were all being briefed on the encroachment of Iranian drone planes into Iraq, when he just looked up from the table and blurted out, 'What am I supposed to watch on Fridays at 10 p.m. now? Numb3rs?'"
"I haven't seen him this upset since Admiral Adama realized that Earth was actually an uninhabitable wasteland," the official continued. "Or at least that's what he told me. I don't actually watch the show. It's not really my thing."
Since the end of the series, Obama has reportedly brushed off key budgetary decisions, ignored his wife and children, and neglected his daily workouts, claiming that he no longer cares if he lets himself go "just like Lee did before the rescue on New Caprica."
In addition, sources confirmed that instead of meeting with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Monday, the depressed president sat alone in the Oval Office, scouring Internet message boards for posts by other fans about the series conclusion.
Hoping to cheer himself up, Obama also decided to re-watch the extended director's cut of "Unfinished Business," a season three episode he once described as "bringing the Starbuck-Apollo relationship to a head in the best possible way."
Revisiting the series, however, has only made the president more miserable. After a staffer suggested he bring DVDs of the show along on a recent policy trip to Denver, Obama reportedly muttered under his breath, "What's the point? It's over."
"We were going over his schedule when he sighed and asked if I watched Battlestar," said a White House secretary, whom Obama used to playfully call "Billy." "I told him I was planning on it because my sister's a big fan, but he just stared out the window the whole time."
"I also noticed he took down his Battlestar Galactica season 4.5 poster," she added.
Obama watched the finale just as he had every previous episode, alone in the White House screening room with the volume turned all the way up. Sources said he emerged exhilarated and told several aides that the show's writers "wrapped things up the best they could, though the very end was a little much."
The commander in chief also bragged that he "totally called" the fact that "All Along The Watch Tower" would be used as the jump coordinates for the FTL drive.
Despite his initial excitement, by Monday morning the absence of the hour-long Sci-Fi program had begun to affect the president.
"I'm a little concerned," first lady Michelle Obama was overheard saying at a fundraising event Tuesday. "When Firefly was canceled, he walked around like a zombie for a week, and Serenity was the only thing that snapped him out of it. Last night he said he felt like he had just discovered David Axelrod was one of the Final Five, whatever that means."
A devoted fan of the original 1978 Battlestar Galactica, Obama was initially hesitant to watch the new series, saying he was upset to learn that hotshot pilot Starbuck would be played by a woman. However, during a particularly slow week in the U.S. Senate, Obama decided to rent the first season from Netflix.
Aides said Obama "blew through" season one in a weekend, then purchased season 2.0 from a local Best Buy, and, in order to catch up in time for season three, downloaded the majority of season 2.5 from iTunes.
"When we spoke last month, he said season three was his least favorite because some of the episodes with Helo and the Sagittarons—and pretty much anything that involved Cally—were boring and didn't advance the plot," Afghan president Hamid Karzai said. "But I told him that when you watch it all on DVD, and you don't have to wait a whole week for a new show, those peripheral episodes actually add new color to the already established world."
Added Karzai, "Lately, though, it seems like he'd rather talk about the resurgence of Taliban warlords in Kandahar than the show."
During an emergency press conference on Wednesday, Obama addressed his recent detachment, as well as various other matters facing the United States.
"Our nation finds itself in uncharted territory in the deep emptiness of space," Obama announced. "The Old Girl has limited supplies, no allies, and now, no hope. I never said this would be an easy journey. Yet I promise you this: There is a place where there is no war and no economic turmoil. It is where, according to the Sacred Scrolls handed down to us by the Lords of Kobol, the thirteenth tribe traveled over three thousand years ago. That place is called Earth. Not the other Earth. This Earth. It's complicated. Anyway, I plan to take us there."
Added Obama, "So say we all! So say we all! So say we all!"
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Idea?
Ok so I'm here at work... Shelving movies, and suddenly I get an idea.. Disney announced a few years ago that they were not making anymore animated movies, like cartoons.. So my idea is why not remake all the classic cartoon disney movies into real life ones? I think it would be gold but that's just my opinion.. What do you think? Any comments?? Anyone???
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular
Friday, September 26, 2008
We deserve it dividend
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular
-----Original Message-----
From: wanda hamilton <wanda_h26@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:03:57
To: <hjm51@grandecom.net>
Subject: We deserve it dividend
SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA TO ME!!!!!
Imagine what $700 Billion would do!!
Here is an interesting approach.
I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a "We Deserve It Dividend".
To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a "We Deserve It Dividend". Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
. Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
. Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
. Put away money for college - it'll be there
. Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
. Buy a new car - create jobs
. Invest in the market - capital drives growth
. Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
. Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it.
If we are going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!
As for AIG -
. liquidate it.
. Sell off its parts.
. Let American General go back to being American General.
. Sell off the real estate.
. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.
Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 billion We deserve the "We Deserve It Dividend" more than the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.
And remember, The Family plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5 billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Watch this!
Ok if you haven't already seen this you need to! It's hillarious!!!!
Enjoy.....
rtsp://an.rtsp-youtube.l.google.com/CkELENy73wIaOAnGdedDgyeDYhMYDSANFEIJbXYtZ29vZ2xlSARSBXdhdGNoWglDbGlja0xpbmtgkfG3nf6cgYNcDA==/0/0/0/video.3gp
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular
Friday, September 19, 2008
yikes
Gosh!!!! I hadn’t heard this but Snoops lists it as “undetermined”. Could it be possible? I think it could.
Subject: Fw: You won't believe this
Don't know where this came from. But I could see them doing something like this.
On or about October 5th, Biden will excuse himself from the ticket, citing
health problems, and he will be replaced by Hillary. This is timed to occur
after the VP debate on 10/2.
There have been talks all weekend about how to proceed with this info.
Generally, the feeling is that we should all go ahead and get it out there
to as many blog sites and personal email lists as is possible. I have
already seen a few short blurbs about this - the 'health problem' cited in
those articles was aneurysm. Probably many of you have heard the same
rumblings.
However, at this point, with this inside info from the DNC, it looks like
this Obama strategy will be a go. Therefore, it seems that the best
strategy is to get out in front of this Obama maneuver, spell it out in
detail, and thereby expose it for the grand manipulation that it is.
So, let's start mixing this one up and cut the Obamites off at the pass -
send this info out to as many people as you can - post about it on websites
and blogs - etc.
Subject: Fw: You won't believe this
Don't know where this came from. But I could see them doing something like this.
On or about October 5th, Biden will excuse himself from the ticket, citing
health problems, and he will be replaced by Hillary. This is timed to occur
after the VP debate on 10/2.
There have been talks all weekend about how to proceed with this info.
Generally, the feeling is that we should all go ahead and get it out there
to as many blog sites and personal email lists as is possible. I have
already seen a few short blurbs about this - the 'health problem' cited in
those articles was aneurysm. Probably many of you have heard the same
rumblings.
However, at this point, with this inside info from the DNC, it looks like
this Obama strategy will be a go. Therefore, it seems that the best
strategy is to get out in front of this Obama maneuver, spell it out in
detail, and thereby expose it for the grand manipulation that it is.
So, let's start mixing this one up and cut the Obamites off at the pass -
send this info out to as many people as you can - post about it on websites
and blogs - etc.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
...sigh...
So it's become apparent to me that the so called "solution" for our economy, as laid out by the democratic candidate, is to raise taxes so that the government can afford to continue to buy our oil from hostile foreign countries who want nothing more than our destruction. While he sits with the dignitaries of these countries sipping tea and showing us all his "foreign policy", those in power laugh and jibe at us for continuing to be led around by the neck.. The more we continue to buy from these people the more power and ego we give them. Isn't enough enough? Isn't it time to make a plan that involves concrete affirmative action? And not merely the empty talk that tickles our ears but poses no real answer to our problem... Sigh....
....Sigh...
So it's become apparent to me that the so called "solution" for our economy, as laid out by the democratic candidate, is to raise taxes so that the government can afford to continue to buy our oil from hostile foreign countries who want nothing more than our destruction. While he sits with the dignitaries of these countries sipping tea and showing us all his "foreign policy", those in power laugh and jibe at us for continuing to be led around by the neck.. The more we continue to buy from these people the more power and ego we give them. Isn't enough enough? Isn't it time to make a plan that involves concrete affirmative action? And not merely the empty talk we are all acquainted with by now....
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular
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